by Alexandra Fox
It is a struggle as old as the dating game itself: The man wants a casual relationship, but you want something more.
Men love casual relationships. They love enjoying more than one woman at a time, and a casual relationship allows them to do this. If they aren’t committed to any ONE woman, they can have all the women they want!
The need for commitment comes when a man feels like he is falling in love with one particular woman. That’s when he will forsake all the others and want to be with only you.
But how does he GET there?
It is important to remember that men move much more slowly than women do when it comes to relationships.
For A Man, Keeping It A Casual Relationship Gives Him Plenty Of Time To Explore His Feelings
And if he doesn’t feel as though a woman is the ONE, he sees the casual relationship as a way to enjoy her – and maybe even have a friend with benefits – without any of the commitment.
Taking him out of that casual mindset requires being the kind of woman that he simply can’t figure out. That means you aren’t the “friends with benefits” type, and you aren’t the good friend type. You are something more.
You have to show him that you are that woman who can rock his world. Here are a few tips that will help you get his mind from casual to serious mode.
TIP #1: DEVELOP A CLOSE BOND.
Men take a long time to form an emotional bond with someone. That’s why it is important to take things slow and let him build up a strong friendship with you first.
In some ways this might seem counter-intuitive. You want to DATE him, not wind up in the friend zone! But that strong foundation can keep you from being in the friend zone if you do it the right way.
Make sure you are someone he can always talk to and share his thoughts and dreams with. You should be the kind of woman he wants to call up and tell about his day.
On the other hand, you should never become a “buddy” for him. That leads to the friend zone. What you want is to make it clear, from the start, that you love to spend time with him but you expect proper dates.
So make it clear that you are there to listen to him, to hang out with him, to enjoy him – but you are not the kind that he can talk with about other women. You are his date, and his friend, but not his “buddy.”
TIP #2: DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM.
Speaking of buddies, sleeping with a man too soon is the number one way to get yourself into a casual relationship that you can’t get out of!
Remember, men take longer to forge an emotional bond with the woman they are interested in. In order to move further into a relationship, they have to have that emotional bond before the physical bond takes hold.
Unfortunately, when you sleep with him too soon, that physical bond is formed, but the emotional bond falls to the wayside. Sleeping with him too early puts you firmly in the “casual” camp.
Avoid this by not sleeping with him. When he asks why you won’t, simply tell him that you are worth more than that, and when he wants to get serious, let you know. He will get the hint!
TIP #3: TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL – CASUALLY.
There is nothing wrong with telling him how you feel, as long as you keep it casual and light. He needs to know that you are not “just friends.”
You can do this by slipping certain words and phrases into casual conversation. This keeps him from being threatened by it, and instead makes him feel happy and confident about the way you feel.
For instance, when you are talking about a new business venture he is undertaking, say something like “I know how wonderful you are, and I’m sure they will see it too!”
This is a clear compliment, yet delivered in such a casual way that he doesn’t feel threatened in the least. The compliment will stick with him and give him that warm feeling inside. That warm feeling is what will continue drawing him to you.
TIP #4: KEEP YOUR LIFE FULL.
While you are waiting on him to take the hint, keep your own life on track. Keep your calendar full of dates with interesting men, go out with your girlfriends now and then, and take a vacation, leaving your cell phone behind.
Soon he will realize that he has to wiggle his way into your schedule. This will make him notice that yes, you are busy with other people and no, you aren’t rolling out the red carpet for him.
For most men, that makes them want to spend MORE time with you. You become a prize that he wants to win.
So not only does keeping your life full make you MUCH happier, it also makes him notice you more, and that is always a good thing!
TIP #5: GIVE HIM TIME – BUT NOT TOO MUCH TIME.
For a man to go from casual to serious takes some time. It might take several weeks for him to realize he wants to do this, and then several months for him to actually take the plunge and seriously think about it.
So by all means, give him the patience to work through what he’s feeling. This is where keeping your life full comes in very handy. You will be distracted from the constant wondering of whether he is getting into a more serious mindset or not.
But keep in mind that you can’t give him too much time. Waiting for one man for a very long time can take a toll on your self-esteem, your dating life and your outlook.
So be patient, but not too patient. Don’t be so focused on one man that you miss the true man of your dreams when he comes calling.
What If These Tips To Turn A Casual Relationship Serious Never Work?
Sometimes, these tips just won’t work. And it might happen consistently. That’s when you have to face the fact that it’s not the TIPS that are the problem. It’s the MEN that are the problem.
That’s because sometimes, we just chose the wrong kind of man. If you’re into dating bad boys, for instance, you will soon realize that settling down and making a commitment is simply not in their playbook.
If you are focusing your efforts on someone who has to be dragged into commitment, then you are probably choosing the wrong type of man to settle down with.
And of course, that’s easy to do, because the men who are the biggest challenges are the ones we are always drawn to! I know I was.
If you have the patience to wait on one of those men who is not yet ready to go from a casual relationship to serious, then he might be worth your time. But if you are looking to settle down soon with someone you can share your life with, choose wisely, my friend!